Admitting you are wrong.... Swallowing your Pride

Recently I came across this beautiful sensitive article.... I wanted this to be shared among my friends.... Hope you enjoy and start thinking after reading it.

In a relationship, there is a time for all things. There is a time to stand your ground, a time to say you are sorry…and unfortunately, a time to admit you are wrong. The first step in correction to the wrongdoing, not pointing out about wrong doing. Mistakes come in all shapes and sizes. Some are serious, while most others such as telling a white lie, - seem small and insignificant.


For many people, they can apologize – but they cannot admit that what they did is wrong. What this normally translates to is that they are sorry for being caught – but not necessarily convinced that what they did is wrong. And so, how the other supposed to feel assured that the consequences of having to apologize and lose face are high enough for the wrong, to not do it again. It is similar to a child being caught with their hand in the cookie jar. They may apologize, but until they can understand WHY their hand shouldn’t be in there, they will likely continue to do it.


Admitting you are wrong does take a bit of pride swallowing. Yet remember, that love is not proud and when it comes to you and your partner – the two of you should be naked in terms of whom you are. There should be no judgment and only unconditional love.


  Most of the time people lie in a marriage because they feel that their partner will judge them. They lie because they know that their partner has a belief system that is different from their own; and feel wrath will be placed upon them for following their own beliefs. The problem with this, is that when you do make a mistake and try to hide it; you truly will not believe that what you did was an error. And then admitting you are wrong becomes something you just say and don’t really mean. This is why it is important for you to be honest, completely honest with your partner.


No one said you had to agree on everything – or even half of the things in life…but you should be able to be honest. If you cannot, you may want to take a little marital inventory. One thing about admitting you’re wrong to begin with that you may not realize, is that it is the easiest way to gain back some credibility with your partner. Self-justification and placing blame on others, quickly leads to arrogance, which is not attractive in any relation.


You have to wonder, why it is so difficult for people to admit that they are wrong?
Well, the truth is that it has something to do with the human psyche. Our minds are constantly programmed to find applicable reasons for why we do what we do. So even if we are making a mistake, we have developed some sort of thought process that makes us feel right in our doing. For some people, this cognitive dissonance is so strong – that they are inherently unable to admit that they are wrong.


If you look back through history, you can learn a tremendous amount about admitting you are wrong in a marriage from the actions of President Kennedy. Instead of deflecting attention AWAY from a wrong – he candidly and emphatically admitted his mistakes and ownership. He believed that it was important to be candid about errors and did so. Even though the situation could have meant a catastrophic political career for him, by admitting he was wrong – his popularity directly after the event increased tenfold.


You may want to be aware that cognitive dissonance exists in every human to some degree. When you notice yourself apologizing for something without admitting you are wrong, perhaps you need to think about why it is so hard to admit you were wrong in the first place. Review the reasons that you made the decision to do what you did; and try to find something in the mistake that we can grow from. As a society, we are far too concerned with labeling mistakes or errors in life as strictly negative; when the truth is there is much that can be gained from making them.




In many relationships, the ability to apologize or admit that you were wrong is lopsided. One-half of the while may be willing and able to admit their mistakes, while the other cannot. When this occurs – the person normally forms a strong and valid point of disconnect, that shuts down normal communication in most facets of the relationship. This can be very difficult to recover from, especially after many years. The point is not to say you were wrong, (which anyone can do) but to understand like the kid with the hand in the cookie jar – why your actions were wrong or hurtful! When you and your partner can admit you are wrong to one another and can discuss calculated efforts to move forward, you relationship will not just be stronger and more honest – but more meaningful as well.

Positive Words

I remember reading the power of language at a very young age. I not only understood that specific words affect our mental pictures, but positive words are a powerful programming factor in lifelong success.

One particularly interesting event occurred when I was eight. As a kid, I was always climbing trees, poles, and literally hanging around upside down. So, it came to no surprise for my dad to find me at the top of a 30-foot tree swinging back and forth. My little eight-year-old brain didn't realize the tree could break or I could get hurt. I just thought it was fun to be up so high.

My older cousin, was also in the same tree. She was hanging on the first big limb, about ten feet below me. Her mother also noticed us at the exact time my dad did. About that time a huge gust of wind came over the tree. I could hear the leaves start to rattle and the tree begin to sway. I remember my dad's voice over the wind yell, "Hold on tight." So I did. The next thing I know, I heard Tammy screaming at the top of her lungs, laying flat on the ground. She had fallen out of the tree.
I scampered down the tree to safety. My dad later told me why she fell and I did not. Apparently, when Tammy's mother felt the gust of wind, she yelled out, "Be Careful, don't fall!" and she did fall.

My dad then explained to me that the mind has a very difficult time processing a negative image. In fact, people who rely on internal pictures cannot see a negative at all. In order for her to process the command of not falling, her nine-year-old brain had to first imagine falling, then try to tell the brain not to do what it just imagined. Whereas, my eight-year-old brain instantly had an internal image of me hanging on tight.

This concept is especially useful when you are attempting to break a habit or set a goal. You can't visualize not doing something. The only way to properly visualize not doing something is to actually find a word for what you want to do and visualize that. For example, when I was thirteen years old, I played for my high school team. I tried so hard to be good, but I just couldn't get it together at that age. I remember hearing the words run through my head as I was running out for a catch, "Don't drop it!" Naturally, I dropped the ball.

Psychologists claim it takes seventeen positive statements to offset one negative statement. I have no idea if it is true, but the logic holds true. It might take up to seventeen compliments to offset the emotional damage of one harsh criticism.

Ask yourself how many compliments you give daily versus how many criticisms. Heck, I know you are talking to yourself all day long. We all have internal voices that give us direction.
Let's start not only thinking positive, but even talking and acting will help self and people around us to move forward.