Judging People.

Every person in this world makes mistakes. What ever size and shape of the mistake its there in our life in every turn. You can see the mistakes in every person and everyone around you.

Do you know your mistakes.. Don't Mistake me... I am saying this because you cannot find mistake in your self unless you dislike the situation you are in.

When you really love some one .. you never find the mistakes, even the big one effecting your life.I vow not to talk about the faults of others.

What an undertaking! I can't speak for you, but I find this very difficult. I have an old habit of talking about the faults of others. In fact, it's so habitual that sometimes I don't realize I've done it until afterwards.

What lies behind this tendency to put others down? One of my teachers, used to say, "You get together with a friend and talk about the faults of this person and the misdeeds of that one. Then you go on to discuss others' mistakes and negative qualities. In the end, the two of you feel good because you've agreed you're the two best people in the world."

When I look inside, I have to acknowledge that's right. Fueled by insecurity, I mistakenly think that if others are wrong, bad, or fault-ridden, then in comparison I must be right, good, and capable. Does the strategy of putting others down to build up my own self-esteem work? Hardly.

Another situation in which we speak about others' faults is when we're angry with them. Here we may talk about their faults for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it's to win other people over to our side. "If I tell these other people about the argument and I had and convince them that the person is wrong and I'm right before they can here about the argument, then they'll side with me." Underlying that is the thought, "If others think I'm right, then I must be." It's a weak attempt to convince ourselves we're okay when we haven't spent the time honestly evaluating our own motivations and actions.

At other times, we may talk about others' faults because we're jealous of them. We want to be respected and appreciated as much as they are. In the back of our minds, there's the thought, "If others see the bad qualities of the people I think are better than me, then instead of honoring and helping them, they'll praise and assist me." Or we think, "If the boss thinks that person is unqualified, she'll promote me instead." Does this strategy win others' respect and appreciation? Hardly.

Some people "psychoanalyze" others, using their half-baked knowledge of pop-psychology to put someone down. Comments such as "he's possesive" or "she's stubborn" make it sound as if we have authoritative insight into someone's internal workings, when in reality we disdain their faults because our ego was affronted. Casually psychoanalyzing others can be especially harmful, for it may unfairly cause a third party to be biased or suspicious.

The Results

What are the results of speaking of others' faults? First, we become known as a busybody. Others won't want to confide in us because they're afraid we'll tell others, adding our own judgments to make them look bad. I am cautious of people who chronically complain about others. I figure that if they speak that way about one person, they will probably speak that way about me, given the right conditions. In other words, I don't trust people who continuously criticize others.

Second, we have to deal with the person whose mistakes we publicized when they find out what we said, which, by the time they hear it, has been amplified in intensity. That person may tell others our faults in order to retaliate, not an exceptionally mature action, but one in keeping with our own actions.

Third, some people get stirred up when they hear about others' faults. For example, if one person at an office or factory talks behind the back of another, everyone in the work place may get angry and gang up on the person who has been criticized. This can set off backbiting throughout the workplace and cause factions to form. Is this conducive for a harmonious work environment? Hardly.

Fourth, are we happy when our mind picks faults in others? Hardly. When we focus on negativities or mistakes, our own mind isn't very happy. Thoughts such as, "SHe has a hot temper. They bungled the job. He is incompetent. She is unreliable," aren't conducive for our own mental happiness.

Fifth, by speaking badly of others, we create the cause for others to speak badly of us. This may occur immidiately in this life if the person we have criticized puts us down, or it may happen in future when we find ourselves unjustly blamed or scapegoated. When we are the recipients of others' harsh speech, we need to recall that this is a result of our own actions: we created the cause; now the result comes. We put negativity in the universe and in our own mindstream; now it is coming back to us. There's no sense being angry and blaming anyone else if we were the ones who created the principal cause of our problem.


In order to stop pointing out others' faults, we have to work on our underlying mental habit of judging others. Even if we don't say anything to or about them, as long as we are mentally tearing someone down, it's likely we'll communicate that through giving someone a condescending look, ignoring him in a social situation, or rolling our eyes when his name is brought up in conversation.

The opposite of judging and criticizing others is regarding their good qualities and kindness. This is a matter of training our minds to look at what is positive in others rather than what doesn't meet our approval. Such training makes the difference between our being happy, open, and loving or depressed, disconnected, and bitter.

We need to try to cultivate the habit of noticing what is beautiful, endearing, vulnerable, brave, struggling, hopeful, kind, and inspiring in others. If we pay attention to that, we won't be focusing on their faults. Our joyful attitude and tolerant speech that result from this will enrich those around us and will nourish contentment, happiness and love within ourselves. The quality of our own lives thus depends on whether we find fault with our experience or see what is beautiful in it.

Seeing the faults of others is about missing opportunities to love. It's also about not having the skills to properly nourish ourselves with heart-warming interpretations as opposed to feeding ourselves a mental diet of poison. When we are habituated with mentally picking out the faults of others, we tend to do this with ourselves as well. This can lead us to devalue our entire lives. What a tragedy it is when we overlook the preciousness and opportunity of our lives and our Buddha potential.

Thus we must lighten up, cut ourselves some slack, and accept ourselves as we are in this moment while we simultaneously try to become better human beings in the future. This doesn't mean we ignore our mistakes, but that we are not so pejorative about them. We appreciate our own humanness; we have confidence in our potential and in the heart-warming qualities we have developed so far.

What are these qualities? Let's keep things simple: they are our ability to listen, to smile, to forgive, to help out in small ways. Nowadays we have lost sight of what is really valuable on a personal level and instead tend to look to what publicly brings acclaim. We need to come back to appreciating ordinary beauty and stop our infatuation with the high-achieving, the polished, and the famous.

Everyone wants to be loved - to have his or her positive aspects noticed and acknowledged, to be cared for and treated with respect. Almost everyone is afraid of being judged, criticized, and rejected as unworthy. Cultivating the mental habit that sees our own and others' beauty brings happiness to ourselves and others; it enables us to feel and to extend love. Leaving aside the mental habit that finds faults prevents suffering for ourselves and others. This should be the heart of our spiritual practice.

 For this reason, His Holiness the Dalai Lama said, "My religion is kindness."

We may still see our own and others' imperfections, but our mind is gentler, more accepting and spacious. People don't care so much if we see their faults, when they are confident that we care for them and appreciate what is admirable in them.

New adictions

Now a days people are becoming solitary beings... growing social media and electronics are making lives easy, at the same time they are making  people disconnected. One might say "What are you talking... I have 500+ in my FB friends and I am connected to them daily at least few hours a day with spotlight (some times leaving the spotlight only for few hours a day)."

Are you really connected to all these people you call friends? Do you call this a way to stay connected to people... I think otherwise.

 Do you remember these phones,, are the mobile which we used for communication these actually helped mankind in lot of ways... made communication easy, accessible at times

Then came the smart phones & tablets... These made work and personal lifes so tangled that diffentiating them at times is difficult. Now a days these playa major role in persons life.

 

Now a days generations  are getting addicted to the applications online which are not adding any value to our lives.These are not making just the younger generations but has effected people across generations.

 

 

 

No one can imagie our life without these atleast a day. I have came across people in my life who are so addicted to these applications, they forgot to talk to persons across the table.

 

Being social is good, getting addicted to is hamful.